Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize