...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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