He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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