Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
