Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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