Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
