She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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