Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
