Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
