Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
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These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
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There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Text me some of your sweat
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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