Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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