I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
