You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
nutella sex= disaster
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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