***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I think I won the penis lottery.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
is wine microwaveable?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
