He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Oh god it's open bar.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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