I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
