I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
