drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
