yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
