Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Too much gin, very little bucket
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
