YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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