i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
