did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
