i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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