Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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