we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
