if i can run in heels then i can drive
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
