I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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