its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
