i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
