I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.