So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
You're right, stupid question.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on