So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.