He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
