well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
