So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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