And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
