I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize