why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
