I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
