I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
