I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
