At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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