i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
