you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
