We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
