dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
