my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
