I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
