i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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