i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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