He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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