Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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