spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
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