Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
