Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
