Soap is not a condiment
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
