I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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