Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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