Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
People with herpes should wear stickers.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
