it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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