i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
