those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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