I queefed so loud it echoed.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
