and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
