I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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