Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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