the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
