Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
