She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
