Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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