I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
