i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
