I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
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