then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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