that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
