I only kidnapped one of them. chill
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
