Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
